Being Confident Isn't Always Easy And That Is OK
No one is confident all the time. The women you admire the most in the world have faced struggles just like you. The people you envy on social media or in real life have felt the same uncertainty as you. Even the most confident women still sit in the mirror and have negative thoughts about their body from time to time.
The problem is we have the wrong idea about positive thinking, and listen I get it, there is a lot of bullshit about what a positive mindset actually is. We believe you have to strive to be positive all the time because when don’t you won’t get any of the things you want in this life. That somehow being positive is the key to every dream you have. But the truth is that no one can feel positive 100% of the time, nor should they strive to, because life is not only the good things. You also have to be able to prepare yourself to understand that not everything will go the way you plan, no matter how positive you are.
“…being human is not hard because you’re doing it wrong, it is hard because you are doing it right. You will never change the fact that being human is hard so you must change your idea that it was ever supposed to be easy (Glennon Doyle).
There are obstacles in every path. There are hard days. There are days we won’t love ourselves the way we should and that is OK. That is life. So we must learn how to give more grace to the one person guaranteed to be with us for all of it, the one looking back at us in the mirror.
You have to be willing to put in the work when things get hard. You have to be willing to fight for the relationship with yourself the way you would fight to save your marriage or a friendship or a relationship with your child. A healthy relationship with yourself and your body is just like any healthy, loving relationship, not every day is a great day but the majority are. You have to understand that even when the bad days take over and the journey gets hard you are still a person of worth and value who deserves to find the other side of the tough stuff.
We face a world that needs us to dislike ourselves because if it can convince us to do that then we will buy more things. We will try every diet, every cleanse, every ‘body slimming’ clothing, every surgical procedure, and every new product that comes out. We live in a world that does not want us to find self-love or acceptance because it knows that when we find love we find contentment. When we find contentment we will learn to accept ourselves with a whole new perspective and no longer torture ourselves to fit in to a box we were never made to be in.
Your confidence will not be there all the time, but your determination to do the work and get it back when it drops off, that can be. You can find your way to A LOT more good days than bad. You can still be a total bad ass and feel like a total failure some days. You can still have days that you aren’t head over heels about your body but still know how to take care of it, nurture it, and not abuse it. You can still feel uncertain about what is coming next but still be able to take one step forward not knowing exactly where it leads. You can be completely lost but still know you have purpose in this life.
The inherent beauty of vulnerability and sharing our stories with one another is that it helps us know we are not alone and that none of us are perfect. This is why I encourage all of you to share your stories when you are ready. Your victories, your losses, and everything in between. Other people’s stories reminds us that it is completely normal to have bad days and still be able to love who we are. They remind us that being a human is hard and there is nothing wrong with that, and maybe in understanding all of that we can get back to just getting to know who we are, without looking to be anyone else.