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Is This Blog Just For Me?

Here is what I don’t know; I am 7 months in to the Women Do Blog and I don’t know if it is OK that in large part it is just for me. What do I mean? Well, people always ask me how the blog is going and I appreciate the question, but I don’t know how to truthfully answer it. I don’t know the measuring stick of what I am being asked, or more likely I am afraid what they really want to know is, is it growing and becoming more popular…Well popular isn’t a word that I would use to describe it. I don’t have thousands of followers on my social media or on the blog itself and if I let that be the measuring stick that can really get me down. And in 100% honesty I am in that place right now.

Often when I am asked how the blog is going I answer “Good, and if nothing else it is really for me, so in that regard it is going really well.” And I do mean it when I say that for me it is going well. For too long I would trap myself in to the belief that my career would need to be the single thing that would bring me purpose. What I ultimately found over and over again was that it wasn’t going to happen. Certain passions? Absolutely. But a full expression of what drove me? Nope. So when I tell people it is going well for me what I am really saying is that for the first time in a long time I am not aching inside with a feeling of not doing or being enough. I am not wondering what would happen if I just took one bold step in a different direction. I feel very fulfilled and yet at times very confused because I feel fulfilled by something that very few people will ever read. And does that mean it is just for me? Does that make me a little crazy? By societal standards and even by own sometimes, maybe.

An interviewer on a podcast I was listening to asked “what does success mean to you?” and the interviewee responded “for me, success is being at peace” and it hit me that I feel this same exact way. I know this because there were too many seasons in my life where I wasn’t, and no matter what else was going on or how I tried to fill that those holes, none of it ever made me feel successful because what I was really chasing was peace. Peace for me has come from making a few different decisions, like starting the blog and learning to say no to things I don’t want to do, to name a few. I understand that this definition of success is not for everyone, but for me I know that in finding my peace I also find the best version of myself. The outside noise and pressure that makes me feel like this blog has to be popular to make any kind of impact can hit me hard sometimes (even when I sit here and tell you all not to listen to it) and that is when I can get down. But what I need to remember to ask myself is in these moments is, am I at peace? Currently that answer is yes. I will still struggle with wondering if I am just writing things in to the great white wonder but if I am at peace then God help me I must be doing something right because it has taken me some time to get here. Down the road, as life evolves and new opportunities and ideas arise I may no longer write this blog or maintain the social media, but for right now this is exactly what I need and where I need to be. So is this blog just for me? Maybe. But is that a bad thing? For right now my answer is no, which means only one thing…onward.